Saturday, March 22, 2014

Inspired by a small loss.....

We actually get attached to so many things in life that when we lose them suddenly or gradually.... it pains.... really....
Small children get attached to their cute little toys. Their life is surrounded by those flying helicopters, cars and Barbie dolls.
Some day when these toys break or get stolen or are lost. you know what those small kids condition is like!
Crying...... Weeping..... Banging on floors......
It shows how much they cared for them.
Days pass and gradually some toy comes and takes that place of those lost/stolen ones.
With passing years.. we grow old and mature.
We start taking life practically. We learn to let go so many things.
We don't allow them to affect us but sometimes even after becoming so matured and practical.... some things do make us like the same child which we were once....
The same crying and weeping......
But whats different this time is the solution .....It can't be the same we had when we were small.... With time passing by, these things can not be replaced by something else. Never!!
Because these things are No way toys.......
Really!!!! Attachment. closeness... although being superb entities pay back a lot sometimes.... A LOT!!!!!!!

AMATEUR WRITER

I go far ! really Far! but really can't gt away!
ur absence.. ur silence kills me each nite n day.....
I cry.. I weep...without any reason...
i wait for ur reply... with each passing season....
Ma nites with ur dreams...
 ma days with ur thoughts...
i can't understand why it's lyk dis!
why ma each diary note just ends with dots....
is it love ... i ask!
no answer cums bk...
suddenly a sound cums frm ma cell...
His msg.....ma god.. breaks ma dreamy little shack !
dey say love being true
emotions to be pure....
nd wat m i boasting abt luv...
even ma lyf is nt so sure !!!!
all i m certain abt is
ma strongs feelings for u...
however hard i try i can never spell dese words....
I love u! i luv u... l really do....
love is undefined.... can never be described fully...
bt still nobody s left unaffected by it....
as its designed so beautifully....
dose poems...dose 'shayaris'...
dose luv filled songs...
those roses those gifts...
those kisses for which each lover longs....
being SINGLE makes u happy
lyf seems enjoyin joyful perfect n fit !!
bt nce u fall in luv!!!
i bet...u cant gt away frm it!!!!
So LOVE LIVE n enjoy dis awesome exquisite 'pal'.....
dnt noe!!! really can't predict!
we r present here...
'kahin rahe na hum kal ' !!!!!!

BEAUTY WORTH LIVIN WITH......

This Chennai rain is like an IT job employee.... on nite shift.... Somedays it does overtym too.... How much the boss (we) scolds or uses rubbish slangs for it.... It doesn’t mind .... just keep on doin its job… same as a poor IT employee....
But guess wat! He is no less than anyone in the world..... He has his own tricks of takin full revenge.... Raining so heavily tht our life is made miserable! Wat a super revenge from the boss dude! Gr8 goin….. bt plz plz plz this has been too much now….boss has fully understood and feels sorry abt u..... so kindly forgive me and show some pity on us…. Plz stop raining so heavily dear…..
We l
 I know … I know… I too would be soon placed into an it job.. but nevermind life is to always ”take a chill pill”… wat so ever world perceives abt u… whatever rubbish ur heart keep on tellin abt things....
                                       Ultimately this a hard core fact tht LIFE S SUCH A BEAUTY 
I guess I could be pretty pissed off about wat happens  to me sometimes..... But its hard to stay mad… when there s so much beauty in the world..... Sometimes I feel I m sayin it al at once and its too much..... Ma heart is like a balloon its abt to burst..... And then I remember to relax..... And stop tryin to hold on to it..... And at first throw at me like rain(excludin d Chennai rain;bt obvious) and I cant feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid life.....  You hav no idea wat I m talkin abt.... I m sure.... But dnt worry..... You will someday.

U.... Real ???

You are far... really far... God Knows wen you'll be close...
never gotta experience you ! The real You..!
All I do ... Is Imagine you....
Ma Love Blossomed with it...with supposing u were here...
with thinking of our dreams encounters.. with wishing u were near...
All this sumtyms... Really makes me wonder !
Is ma Luv juj an imagination?
Is ma care juj a supposition ?
Are u really there ? Are You?
All this... i guess.. is 'coz of distances... dose miles.. which however hard i try.. never decrease... !
Are they really inevitable ? Can't they really vanish ?.. Oh god !
Hey... You... An angel disguising as man...
wud u real go bk to tht God's land at d end... Can't u juj stay with me? Can't u ?
I assure u... I'll take care of all ur wishes...
I'll never let u b sad.... I'll ask u frm God himself...
Just allow me to.. Just !
I'll accept u as u r...
Juj accept me as i am....
ma angel...
ma angel...

Neva seek to tell thy luv !

Never seek to tell thy love
Love that never told can be;
For the gentle wind does move
Silently, invisibly.
I told my love, I told my love,
I told him all my heart,
Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears—
Ah, he doth depart.
Soon as he was gone from me
A traveller came by
Silently, invisibly—
O, was no deny.

my heart said, " wait wait dear!
may be he 'll be around."
my mind said, " go on ! grab the chance.
look at wat u found!"

as it always does.....finally
my heart won the game and sang d title song
and here I AM WAITING !
Waiting for sooooooo long... :)

WHEN !!!!!!!!!

Wen tym takes a toll…..  wen u feel where lyf has brought me finally…..
 wen u realize tht u hav changed for  better…. Wen u understand tht u can’t get everythin….
 Wen u accept the truth to a great extent…. Wen bitter facts seem meaningless….
.wen feelings cease to oscillate….. wen emotions becum constant….
 Wen heart says this is really more than enough dear…..
 wen it feels it s really much more than wat u had imagined…..wen hopes behave like strangers….
 Wen dreams r the only medium of communication……wen silence defines u…….
wen laughter plays hide n seek….. wen smile seems a mere curve on ur face……
wen eyes stare to none…. Wen expectin becums a crime….
all tht prevails is Uncertainity …….all thts stays is ambiguity…..
 so......wait....
wait for the tym wen uncertainity wud be secondary...
wait for the moment wen ambiguity will fade away.....
then i ll be me...... then i ll be me....
so juj WAIT.....

A Mortal Masterpiece

He sits before me, an infallible piece.....
His radiance never ends, his spark never cease.....
A masterwork of bone, sinew and skin....
Defyin perfection his virile personality and stubbled chin

His form crafted and carved as a statue of ancient Greece....
His breaths... remind of the silent sea shore breeze....
Lo ! i wud keep him hidden, a secret held upto me...
never let him go... a treasure never let free....

Locked away to appease my most jealous heart...
For it wud cause a mortal cut if ever we were apart......
Ma soul he holds captive, his eyes contained the very key ;)
His voice so majestic....guessin who is he? ya Monsieur thts thee......

 A prisoner to ma selfishness, a fate yet undeserved...
His expert ideology and thoughts to all shud be observed
Bt i cudnt withhold such an angel from the earth....
Not all the gold of all the nations cud match his shine or worth

So... Go ma ornate masterpiece !!!!
Go and share your radiant gleam
Go ma Venus de milo , ma winged Victory !
and light the world with your achromic beam........ <3

livin Ma Angels' Dreams !

I came to this world
as a dream to two Angels....
and slowly started transforming into
a medium of their dreams...
..................................
The angels loved me a lot
and dreamt for me all lyf
i fulfilled some of those
some were left aside....
................................
Then life took its pace
I grew as an angel too
and started to dream a lot
as the dreams of those two....
.....................................
clashes started to arise
among our individual dream
sumtyms their heart cries a lot
sumtyms my heart begines to scream...
.....................................
I became so selfish
and started to fulfil my dreams
"we" became "i" for me
My home ! My life ! my DREAms !
..................................
How cud i be so self centred?
Hw cud i be so mean!
their world was always around me
How wud dey hav been ?
....................................
So sry for being dis way
I never meant it lyk dis !
My dreams are incomplete without u
U r source to ma happiness n bliss
..................................
My dreams are still for u
They will always be tht way
Wherever lyf leads me
You'll be d guide lamp 2 me! u'll b d ray !
................................
I'd never brk ur dreams !
Ma beautiful angels... Dont worry abt me!
dreamin is a gr8 skill...
For which "teachers" you cud nly be....

A Letter Undelivered.....

Under the dim yellowish light
upon the dull yellowish quilt,
those drops of feel finally arose
which once i thought to silt
......
The coarse paper blank
the naive ink blue,
i began to pen down sumthin
what ? i had no clue
......
Feelings juj flew nd gt embossed
on tht plain papyrus thought bearer,
and created a plume of love
in ma room. well, dis is quite rarer !
.......
Ma profound desires were visible
ma deep dug feel was seen,
This all wud finally reach to him
Oh ma lord ! for it, i was so keen
.......
I signed it wit a symbol of heart
& kissed it several times,
folded clean tht carrier which was to bring
the ultimate end to all ma past mimes
........
Days passed, nights crossed
everythin appeared except him,
i prayed hard n waited long
ya, God finally heard it although at whim !
........
He came.. we met
i tried to speak too,
bt dnt noe why words were fallin short
i was wonderin wat to do?
.........
After a long silence
he juj said, 'Take care' n went away unswerved,
and Here i was left behind
wit this letter of mine yet UNDELIVERED...... 

The Hope

No signs of happiness, no signs of sorrows.....
life indeed seems so calm.
No questions to b asked, no answers to b given.....
Everthing turned out to be so malm.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Silence seems so prominent....
although voices r heard all around.
people r trying to figure out.....
the very reasons to this absence of sound.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the world seems silent.....
the thoughts are at war.
the heart rests in peace all day...
bt at night expresses cor !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
this uncertainity wud cease for sure....
theonly medium of my existence - THE HOPE
and all left for me would be.....
the long endless lope !

adieu....

I build myself up each day...
nd see myself break down....
I cheer myself up each day...
nd get myself sad n frown....

They say we can't b together...
I accept that too...
They say we shouldn't b together....
I question, tht's really nt true !

Yes, I m crazy abt u....
nd i really want u to know...
Yes, i m in love with u.... 
nd to u, sumthin i owe....

ur eyes speak to me...
I can feel those loving words....
ur eyes smile to me....
I can feel the closeness tht girds....

I've always written for u.....
nd surely would in the future too....
I've always felt for u....
nd wudn't stop... even after biding ADIEU.....

This **** Life !!!

When I was in college, I heard people talking about work life...I witnessed my dear ones working 24*7 for their livelihood.
I used to wonder how difficult it could be! After all it is just a job, you do it for the day, come home & get a fine salary at the end of the month....It is a cake walk.
I used to question my ‘working’ friends, when they used to seldom reply to my calls or msgs.....When they used to say the three popular n universally accepted words most of the times:  “I was Busy”.
I never used to understand how It would actually be like this.....How can anybody not get time to call or reply to a single msg.
Its been more than 5 months for me being ‘employed’ as they say.
Not an adequate amount of time for me to say things which I m going to quote now but nevermind.
Here I go.
The day starts with a small headache & morning alarm which keeps on ringing & stops finally when you are 100% awake & out of your weird filmy dreams.
You get ready for office.....Search for the dress which u gonna wear today (although, they r all the same ‘formals’; school uniforms were better) & finally reach your office premises.
This is where your ‘entry n exit’ game begins (the smart card game).....Wait for the lift to go to that top floor but then think better to take the stairs.
Finally, reach the desk & there you see a black box containing your destiny for today.
You enter in that alienic world of java, coding, classes, objects etc. etc......Then you think to come bk to the real world......When you are just about to switch on the chat application on ur system, ur BOSS appears frm nowhere.
Anyways, he comes, puts his bag, takes out his laptop & runs for his meeting.....Alas! You take a relaxed breath.
You spend hrs n hrs figuring out where the error lies......Checking the console(thts wat they call it), the logs(my god! The scariest yet the most friendly notepad file), the servers n wat not …..
& finally you get to noe that a small ‘semicolon’ was missing.
Indeed, computers do exactly wat we instruct them, I wish they had some brains of themselves.
You continue with this monotonous treasure hunt of errors n the clock strikes 8.
Guess wat! Time to go bk ‘home’......U hav dinner sumwhere out or get it packed & head back straight to that big room of  white walls & messed up bed.
After all the arrangements when you finally get time for yourselves, all you do is ‘watsapp’ or ‘facebook’….The same black box which made u to witness a nightmare with open eyes in office brings to u a beautiful digital world of likes, comments, walls & pokes.(Although, here the black box is little thinner; the laptop)
My god! Wat an irony….
In no time, the wheatish layer of epidermal cells with small curled lashes at the edges shut down your system known as human body.
Then is the entry to that exquisite world of dreams where everything you wanna do actually happens.....You meet friends, enjoy, laugh, dance, play, party, love…..You Live…..
& guess wat! In all those beautiful events a weird torturing sound is heard(The ALARM !!!!!!!) n the headache pops up again.
The same old story begins again. Sometimes, I feel… Am I having a ‘Dejavu’… ‘coz I do the same damn stuff each n every day….
Hope something new is in store for me….or else I have to create sumthign new for me myself….
All the best, Lady !  

Do I really know you?

I know you now for long...
but  sometimes i feel...
Do i really know you?
Is it you who always kept hiding... ?
or is it me who couldn't recognize...?
--------------------------------
You say I don't know you enough...
but do i really need to know !!
I accepted you the way you were...
and never expected more...
-----------------------------
your silence was your expression...
your calmness was your virtue...
your absence made me feel myself...
your uncertainities i'd pursue...
-----------------------------
you say you have nothing more to speak...
but do you really need to say!!
I am afraid of writing these days...
my thoughts have lost its way....
-------------------------------
my heart beats have slowed...
my eyes have lowered too.....
I find you far away from me....
However hard i try to know you...
I know ... you ll always hide yourself from me...
---------------------------------

marriage... a mere transformation???? - II

Marriage.... An event which is a turning point in anyone's life.
It can be understood in various  perspectives. These days as people say, wedding has become a business rather than an occassion &  thats partially true. Lots of money is put in by both the families to celebrate the union of their son and daughter. I really wonder sometimes that does a mere  bonding of two people call for such a grand celebration?
Everyone would have their own views to this.
The prime emotions witnessed in this occassion are excitement, sadness, happiness and wat not.....
Mayit be Love or Arranged, the feeling of leaving your family is unbearable. They say that this becomes smooth with time and it indeed does but that moment of grief and continous fall of tears down the cheeks is inevitable.
This makes me ponder to ponder that if marriage leads to such intense grief... why anyone would like to get married?
One of my colleagues and friends replied to this by saying that i won't understand it now but sooner or later will surely. Well, lets see when that time comes.
There are really beautiful moments when you see your entire family happy, elated, laughing and enjoying....You see your friends teasing, dancing to the punjabi 'dhol' beats, arranging your saris & sherwanis. You see your lovely mother looking at you with such love and care that just writing this statement wetted my eyes. You see your father running all around, checking the arrangements and making sure everything is smooth and sometimes sitting in some corner and gazing at u anonymously.
Marriage is indeed a memorable experience.... It not only affects the ones who are getting married but each one of those who are emotionally involved.
Marriage : A beautiful concoction of love, care, gain, loss, memories......
All the best to those who recently got married and to those as well who are about to.......

marriage... a mere transformation ?????

life s so strange.... this very moment u r happy about all the rituals happening aorund you, abt ur lover sittin in front of u in tht majestic groom's dress.. the other moment, u see urself goin away frm ur best companions (ur parents) , tears comin out frm no where... i guarantee u tht feels terrible...
A gal's lyf s entirely a transformation... frma cute little child to a responsible daughter... frm a papa's darlz to a hubby's jaanu... frm i n me to we n us... n all these transformations although r gradual, sumtyms feel sudden. However hard a guy wud try, he can neva understand how a gal wud feel wen she s goin away .... leavin all her past memories... all her past relations.... n finally goin into an entirely alien life which seems so fascinatin yet unxplored...
and hw suprising s this tht those same parents whom u used to call at even midnites... now think thrice to even make a call to u wen u r at ur in-laws.. thinkin whether this will be correct or nt?
who builds up these weird fomalities? who?
why can't lyf b s d same way.... why dis sudden change s required?
Loving sumbdy is really a BEAUTIFUL feelin bt the real accomplishment s achieved wen u gt married... takin care of all things in tht new place with new faces...
In olden times, princesses used to take their maids along with them to their in laws after marriage. this way they cud feel home. bt now u'll b d only one .... so nervous... so cautious , maintain tht grin on ur face .... all eyes starin at u lyk anythin..... bt ur eyes shud b down.... Ma God !!!!!!
this s no less than a Rodies task....Hats off to all the women out there who crossed this stage of lyf....  you r indeed special..... luv u....